True but thats because hes a fetus.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
