Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"