she was so not down for the gang bang
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
