u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
