a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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