It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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