I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
