nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
