there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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