So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
