she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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