Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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