my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize