Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
