I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
