i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
