But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize