i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
