? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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