he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
