At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
