that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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