i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
