he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
