Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
