My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
