Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
