How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
