mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
