I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
