OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
