remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
