The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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