You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
