I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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