I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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