So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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