Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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