she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
