So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
