FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
