thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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