I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize