Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
