remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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