Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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