I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
