I'm going to jail i love you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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