Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize