Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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