dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
