We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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