So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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