She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
