I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
