Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
