You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
