So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
