Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
