Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
