Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
