God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
