The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
