So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
