I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
