I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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