I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
