dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
