i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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