I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
