Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
