well I can't set my house on fire every night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
