I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
