Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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