There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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