This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
