I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
