What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
