omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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