he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
