I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
