I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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