I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
